The other night I pull up to this house and the woman goes to hand me a $100 bill. I say, “I don’t have change for that.” I might have had enough change if they wanted to give me a $20 tip, but even in Stamford it wasn’t likely. So they wind up calling the store and giving a credit card, and, out of spite: no tip! Fuckers. I don’t get why people don’t understand it’s dangerous for driver to have change for $100 on them. If you need to break a hundred, why not just call the store and ask? I know why people do it: they know the store might say no, so they take their chances.

But that brings me to my next question: why take it in the first place? People take $100s then go to gas stations and such and use them for small purchases. Know why no one likes them? It fucks up the drawer! You have to give all your change to the idiot that took the $100 instead of $20s at the bank. Then you have to go to the bank the idiot took the $100 from and have them make change for you. It makes ZERO sense. And 99 out of 100 times people that use $100s give really shitty tips. It’s usually either nothing, or one to two dollars. It’s like they want to impress us with their possession of the hundred, but not reward us with generosity for making change of it. It’s super fucking annoying. I’ve seen hundreds before you assholes. You know when I take hundreds? For big purchases like tvs, or if i have to pay a big bill like rent. That’s it. I don’t take them so I can try to impress people and fuck up their cash registers or make the pizza guy go run down the street with it to make change.

Stop using them. Seriously. Get in the habit of using $50s if you have to use a large bill. That order was $35. I had change for that.

The Driver (Adam Smith)

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“Kick Rocks” Pizza Delivery Nightmares by Adam Smith is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License

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