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MY friend killed himself 8 years ago, and I still miss him.

It was someone that was my best friend for many years. We met in 1992, hung out almost daily, lived together twice, but eventually grew apart around 2009. I reached out, and we started hanging out again, but he was bad news. We both had a troubled past, but where I grew and changed, he got worse. More into drugs, more into negative thoughts, and he wound up jealous of the girl I was dating. I had been with her for 6 years when in 2011 he said something that was the final straw.
Over the years my few other good friends asked why I was still friends with him. This was a guy who had burned me many times over the years, but I always made up with him. He didn’t deserve it for the things he did (like getting a different girl I was dating high then hooking up with her while I was sleeping), he was just not the kind of person you would want as a close friend. I can’t explain why, but we were anyway. We just “clicked”. Anyway, that last straw in 2011 he said, literally, “Maybe if you spent less time with your bitch, you’d have more time to hang out with me”. He meant it to be disrespectful. I don’t talk about women like that, and this was a girl I was deeply committed to. So I cut him off. I told him it was the last straw, and that I was done.
3 years ago, after my cat of 14 years died and I was feeling particularly devastated, I decided to do some digging on FB to see what he was up to. I had planned to reach out. The last posts I saw from him were from 2013. As soon as I saw that I got that feeling in my stomach. So I googled his name hoping I wasn’t right. But I was. I contacted his father who he wasn’t close to, but he told me on FB that my friend was very depressed, and they were all sad about it, etc. He was kind of dismissive, so I’m not sure. He also told me a year after my friend killed himself his son killed himself, and his former girlfriend. I guess bad things really do travel in threes.
So he had been dead for 5 years when I found out, and to this very day, to this very minute, I am convinced had I not written him off he’d still be here. He didn’t have any other good friends, just acquaintances. Or dealers, etc. He rarely saw his mother, and in the entire time I knew him saw his father once. To top all that off, most of my best memories are also with him. My early 20s were a blast. Even my early 30s when we hung out all the time were pretty amazing. And we both lived in what used to be my favorite city. And now it’s just his ghost shrouding it when I go there. Everything reminds me of him. I cried more for my cat because my cat didn’t choose to die and was there for me every single day: I know it’s weird to some to be that attached to a pet, but I did cry for my friend, too when I found out. I kind of felt like an idiot crying about something that happened 5 years prior, but I had just found out about it. So for me it happened then. I just really miss him.
If one good thing came out of it, I started reaching out to some people who were less than popular I used to see around town to check up on them, even though it’d been years (they’re on my FB friends list). I even started hanging out with one of them. We get coffee on occasion. Because of the pandemic and his kidney problems (he gets dialysis, not idea why specifically, didn’t ask), we haven’t in the last year, but we talk online frequently. I’m determined to try to pay attention going forward, just in case there is anything I can do. I guess I just wanted to know if it’s weird to feel this way years later.

Still deactivated by Uber. MOnths later.

8,000 Trips. 100% rating as a delivery driver, 4.94 as a passenger driver.
I called 5 times: zero record of a single complain of any kind the entire time I’ve been doing it. Just that it’s permanent and the “specialized team” will get back to me in two weeks. I’ve been waiting since February and they never get back to me.
About 50 emails between Facebook, the app, and Twitter all with the same reply: violated the TOS, issues with being respectful with other drivers, and failed Checkr background: I passed the Checkr background check every time including the most recent one. I sent them proof of that and an email from Checkr confirming I passed. No tickets on my record EVER. No accidents. Nothing going on in court. As for other drivers, they can’t find any record of any such incidents, nor have I ever argued with any drivers. A few I say hi to and talk to briefly about which restaurants are hopping, or whatever. Same with the TOS, they can’t tell me what was allegedly violated.
My wife thinks it’s because I was a Diamond driver and using the free tuition at ASU and they got tired of paying for it. Deactivate a driver and they don’t have to pay for it any more, but that’s kind of cynical: why have a reward tier than when you reach and claim your reward you get deactivated? My acceptance rate was 100% and my cancellation rate was 0%. ONLY because of the free tuition and I didn’t do UberEats when I started doing the college classes, just passenger trips. Less risk of going too far for no money.
Uber also banned me from using their apps. Except Postmates. My driver account and personal account work fine on that. I’m still active on Lyft, Instacart, Shipt, Flex, Grubhub, DoorDash, and Postmates. Never any issues on any of them, either. I already tried emailing every news media site I could, but they apparently don’t care. Which is annoying, because they do care about Uber spending hundreds of millions to get former drivers back, but not about them canning existing drivers for no reason.
WTF.

Race shouldn’t matter when dating.

Isn’t it possible that some White people just accept anyone that’s interesting to them regardless of the color of their skin? I feel like I’m being put into a box suggesting I should maybe stick to my own race. OBVIOUSLY, you can see the color of the person you’re with, but if you’re not a racist, and it’s not a fetish, and you see no more value in a White person than anyone else, why limit yourself to your own race? My wife likes White guys. I like Hispanic women. We’re really hap together and race has never been an issue in the 8 years we’ve been married. I’ve dated Black girls, Asian girls, Middle Eastern girls: yes, Muslims included, Jewish girls, Native American women, and, obviously, Hispanic women. The majority of the women I have dated were White. But the longest relationships I had were with Hispanic women. It wasn’t by design, it just worked out that way. I was as happy with the White girls as anyone else: at the time. I am attracted to the Latin culture and I make no apologies for that. It’s not a feti9sh. I’ve always just been really into their music, their art, their theater, their architecture, and everything else. Yes, I think the women are exotic. So? I’ve always like brunettes whether they’re White, Hispanic, whatever race. I like darker skin, dark eyes, dark hair. It’s just a look that I really like. If I were single, I wouldn’t be looking for someone Hispanic, Black, Asian, or whatever, I’d be looking for someone with the characteristics that appeal to me AND who is interesting and kind. The packaging doesn’t matter if the inside is rotten. I think sometimes people read too much into these things. People like who they like.

That being said, I have dated girls over the years that were White that said I was the first White guy they’d been with, that they only date Black guys. And I’m like, “How is that possible?” How can you exclude every other race? That I have a problem with. I’ve been with Black girls who said the same thing: they only like White guys. Again, how is that possible? You have no basis of comparison. How do you know you only like White or Black if you’ve only been with one group? THAT seems racist. Even if it’s your own race, because I know people like that, too, that think the races shouldn’t mix. It’s just strange thinking to me. And I was raised in a conservative household with a moderately racist father that I still don’t think gets how what he says is racist. I spent most of my life living in the inner city, New Haven, CT for 20 years, and Bridgeport for 7. But I grew up in the burbs. I just moved back to the city as soon as high school was over because I hate homogenous. It makes me really uncomfortable. And I in no way feel guilty for what the other guy did, I’m not trying to make up for the past that I didn’t live, I just do my best to not be part of the problem, and to be an active part of the solution. Not by dating, in daily life, I mean. Simple things like treating everyone with the same amount of respect, lobbying my representatives for change, taking part in the discussions, and so forth.

As for dating, I haven’t found any explicit advantage to dating anyone of any race, my own included. I don’t think Black girls or Hispanic girls or anyone else are better in bed, or anything like that. I don’t feel like it gives me access to anything I didn’t have access to before. I just like who I like. My wife, on the other hand, would say there are advantages to being with me, but she’s being more tongue-in-cheek when she says it than being serious. I’m sure there are some advantages, and I’m fine with that, although it’s sad commentary on the world we live in. Everyone should be the same. And eventually we will be. Race is disappearing in this country, and eventually it will in the whole world. Wouldn’t that be nice, to all just be: people?

Uber, you SUCK!

A reply to someone’s post about Uber banning them from ordering: They just did the same thing to me. This is after deactivating me as a driver for alleged safety violations which none of 8 people over a month could find any record of. 8,000 trips, 4.9 rating, 100% on the delivery side, deactivated permanently. Then they tried to say I failed my background check after 4 years of driving for them, provided them a copy of the check they emailed me saying it was clear. Then they tried saying I had a duplicate account, which I do not. For every issue they had an excuse why I was banned, or couldn’t order. Ironically, my Postmates account works for delivering and ordering. I even asked them, “What could be so bad that I did that you had to ban me for life, but not on Postmates? And since my wife is also on the platform as a driver and customer, why’s it fine for her to order food to our hosue which I can get at the door, but I’m too dangerous to order it myself?” I have no accidents, no reports of any nature, no arrests, no tickets, never once been accused of anything untoward by Uber or customers/passengers: just *poof*: Banned. Still on Lyft, still on DoorDash, Grubhub, Postmates, Instacart, and Amazon Flex. But Uber thinks I’m a shitty human being and wants nothing to do with me.

Is faster than light possible?

Impossible assumes we know everything there is to know about, well, everything. There was a time when everything mad knew said that traveling faster than the speed of sound was impossible. These same geniuses said escape velocity was impossible. I’m sure before that people said powered flight was impossible. We know of theoretical particles that could travel faster than light if we could prove their existence, like tachyons, so can’t we say that it’s improbable, instead? If space, not our universe, is really infinite, which is the only logical conclusion I can come to, it seems to me our laws of physics would only apply to us, in *our* universe. They might not even apply here if we “did the math”. Like remember when scientists said nothing was smaller than an atom, that it was impossible to have any particles smaller than that? How’d that work out? Every absolute in science seems to be broken at some point.

We are a VERY young species in the greater scheme of things and it always amazes me how humans now, in the year 2012 think they have it all figured out. These are the same folks who say the fact that since aliens haven’t visited us, they can’t exist, or don’t have the technology to travel here. Which presumes they want to. Or that they’re simply not as advanced. And then you see those UFO videos the Navy has. I’m not one for conspiracy theories, but objects traveling faster than the speed of sound with no sonic boom: explain that. Or any of the other alleged details. Like Mach speed to 0 and hovering in less than a second. Nothing on Earth we know of does that, so maybe they are here? I have no idea. I really don’t care if they are, to be honest. I’m more interested in the physics.

I realize the amount of energy it takes to travel at light speed, but that’s what *we* know of light speed. And of gravity. What if FTL doesn’t utilize the same physics? What if you never need to go light speed to go to FTL speeds? What if in the future someone figures it out by tapping into dark matter or dark energy? If one or both exist everywhere in the universe, and, presumably, beyond, and you only need to tap into it, not actually “use it up” like a fuel, there’s your energy source.

Or maybe man figures out how to cheat and uses a stable wormhole if they’re ever proven to be real, or figures out how to create one (Event Horizon). I know 100% for a fact it wouldn’t happen in our lifetimes, but how can anyone say 2 Billion years from now if man still exists they won’t be able to travel faster than light to an absolute certainty? Maybe technology will be created to remove the mass of an object in space, I don’t know, it seems to me if that were possible light speed would be easy at that point. Most of what we know about the physics of the universe are theories. Like with black holes, which violates the laws of physics if information is destroyed, but since we can’t really test that theory, we just go with it.

What if gun nuts couldn’t get guns?

Okay, people: we had more deaths from mass shootings in 4 years of Trump than all 8 under Obama. Stop being lazy about this. Stop saying this is a plot by Democrats to take your guns. We get it: you’re cowards. You’re too scared to go out in public without a gun, and you need to hug your guns to be in your safe space. Message received loud and clear. You know, real bravery isn’t being a chicken-shit, it’s overcoming your fears without needing a crutch to handle it. WE are not afraid of you or your guns. You’re not impressing us. We’re also not afraid of the “bad guys” with guns. Shit happens.
 
There are zero studies showing toting a gun around with you everywhere makes you safer, but there ARE studies that show you’re more likely to live SHORTER lives. Having a gun you are statistically MORE likely to be involved in road rage incidents, more likely to use the gun in domestic violence, more likely to accidentally shoot yourself, even more likely to have your gun taken and be a victim of that gun.
 
States with more gun control have less gun deaths. Except Maine. No one can explain Maine. I just assume they are actual responsible gun owners. Just like how every FIRST WORLD country with more gun laws has less gun deaths. Except Switzerland, but, again, they seem to be responsible gun owners.
 
This country has a bunch of angry people with guns who have them not because they need them, but because they’re angry. They might have a small penis, they might be ugly, they might be short, or fat, or poor, and they hate Democrats, so they get guns because they have Red Dawn delusional fantasies. These same folks publicly post about what they’d like to do with their guns which amounts to murder. They’d love to murder people if they just had the opportunity. Most of these people do not serve in the military or police, but I don’t know, maybe they weren’t good enough and this is their outlet.
 
If we were to divide the nation and have all the hillbillies take one part and we took the other part and you only had each other to shoot at and could in no way ever threaten a Liberal, or minority, or anyone that didn’t fit the mast race on your side you fools would all get bored of guns.
 
And here’s the problem with your good guy scenario: in a crowded store you hear gunshots, how do you know who the good guy is and who the bad guy is? Who do you shoot? How do other people know if you’re the good guy or the bad guy? What if they shoot you? What if other people see that and shoot them? And on, and on. Then maybe instead of 10 dead you have 100 dead and no one knows WTF happened. That’s your idea of common sense?
 
Mine is no guns. Good luck shooting anyone if you have no gun to begin with. Even Reagan knew guns were a ridiculous way to settle differences.
 
 

I just got banned on TWO LGBTQ reddits and reported on one. What the fuck.

I was asking in two of the LGBTQ pages about the states and their Trans ban for sports. I wasn’t trying to be hateful or anything, just asking how it’s fair for people not post-surgery or on hormone therapy to compete against women in high school sports. It just seems like there’s a huge advantage there. Anyway, that’s apparently what some people called hateful. I got reported for inciting hate. It’s not inciting hate. It’s called asking questions, but everyone is so fucking sensitive nowadays no one can ask anything.
 
If you ask about gender, you’re at best a sexist, at worst a bigot. If you ask about race, you’re just a racist. If you ask about religion, you’re a bigot. No one can talk about anything, but then we’re all supposed to care about the issues: without any explanation why something’s wrong. We’re supposed to just accept what other people say with no explanations, we’re not allowed to have our own feelings on the topics: what the fuck.
 
Some people can have questions and not be bigots. I understand that when you ask how it’s fair it implies that they’re not the same as women or girls born biologically female, but here’s the thing: they’re not. I’m not saying they should be treated differently, but there are cases where they should be. Which is why the Olympics requires that they have the hormone therapy so they don’t have an unfair advantage in strength. I think it’s ultra-far Left to say, “No, they’re the same, nothing should be required.” If they’re exactly the same with no differences at all, how come they can’t get pregnant? And people will use the excuse that a lot of women can’t have children, but in those cases it’s when they have something wrong like a disease or had to have a hysterectomy, or something like that. It’s not usually just because they can’t. And men and women have different chromosomes. Men are XY. Women are not, so there are biological differences. 
 
This reminds me of now how being Transracial is a thing. Yeah, you can be born White and identify as Black and everyone’s supposed to agree you’re Black. And I have a problem with that because they can turn it on and off when it’s convenient. Like they never have to worry about police brutality, and when they apply for jobs, or loans and people see they’re White they’ll get treated that way. But if they identify as being Black they can take advantage of things like scholarships for Blacks like in the movie “Soul Man”. That’s not right. Being Black is a real struggle and no one should be able to identify that way that isn’t Black and pretend they face the same struggles in life. 
 
And I know it’s not the same thing. The Transgender community hates being compared to the Transracial community, but here’s the thing: eventually it will go far Left, and they’ll get told they just have to accept it or they’re bigots, just like we get told if we don’t accept Trans students in sports with no HRT that we’re bigots. And I know from the comments I got that they hate this example, but South Park did an episode on this. I’m going to post a picture, then explain:
 
 
In the episode, the athlete on the left in the picture identified as a woman, so they had to let her compete. Yes, I italicized that on purpose for emphasis. The point was if you simply identify as a woman, these organizations have to recognize your right, as a woman, to compete against other women. Naturally, she destroyed the competition. Eventually Strong Woman and PC Principal both lose their shit because they realize we’ve gone too far to the left, but they’re afraid of upsetting PC babies. South Park is really deep most of the time, and it stuns me that most people don’t get it. People look at the surface and dismiss it, but they have dealt with pretty much every social issue there is. Like words that got canceled, etc. 
 
So, yes, I do think there should be more than just identifying as one gender or the other when it comes to things like competing. And, yeah, I do think we should either have unisex bathrooms or have the people in there have all the same sex organs. I don’t care if you used to be a woman, if you’re post-op and have a penis you can use the Men’s room, and if you used to be a man and now have a vagina you can use the Women’s room. Why is that controversial? Since no one’s allowed to ask, you could find yourself in a dressing room at a pool or something when what appear to be a man is in there getting undressed with everyone else, and because you’re not allowed to ask questions you just have to assume they’re Trans. You really can’t see how someone could take advantage of that? I’m not saying for a second anyone Trans would do anything shady like use that to get in a different dressing room, but plenty of heterosexual men would if they knew no one was allowed to ask any questions. What if it’s a Heterosexual Cis pedophile? We have to wait till after they commit a crime to ask any questions? That doesn’t seem right. 
 
My solution for the bathroom situation was deemed hateful, too. Here it is: we make all bathrooms unisex. We make all locker rooms unisex. Then we teach children, and adults, that the human body is not shameful and comes in many different sizes and shapes. But it was deemed hateful because the Trans community, apparently, wants to force people to just accept them and accept what thy do with no questions asked. Which means Trans women with penises in the Women’s locker room. Or vice versa. Sorry, but that’s going to cause problems. The cool thing about my personal web page is I can ask questions and post ideas. I am not in any way saying to not respect them or give them less rights, or to hate on them in any way. But some situations, more thought needs to happen. Not every situation is the same. If we have to accept their rights and pinions they should have to respect ours, too. Equality doesn’t mean you get the superior position. It means you get an equal position. Equal in every way. So if you have an unfair advantage, it needs to be adjusted. If you’re trying to force your beliefs on others, it needs to be adjusted. 
 
Dating is yet another area where I’ve heard some things that don’t make sense to me. Being accepted as people doesn’t mean Hetero Cis men are required to date you. I and no one else is a bigot because we want to date women who were born biologically female. And how would we know? Some of us would. If you’re open to it: fine, but it shouldn’t be a requirement for you to be equal that men have to date you, or vice versa. I knew a pro-op girl years ago who used to pick up men, and not tell them, an assume they must be okay with it. It never ended well for her, but she refused to tell them, and the same bad things kept happening. I think you should tell people. My opinion, but if a guy is hooking up with you and reaches down expecting to find a vagina and winds up with a penis in his hand, yeah, some men are going to be pissed. Some Trans women never get the operation. So that need to be addressed ahead of time,. You can’t expect a man to be okay with not having a vagina when they’re looking for a woman with a vagina. Why is this controversial? Go look for men that are cool with it. Stop trying to force every man to be cool with it. I prefer women who were born with vaginas. I’m not apologizing for that. No one should have to.
 
This shit is how Republicans are born. You push people too far to the Left and they snap and go the other way, to the far Right. That’s not what you want, and it shouldn’t be all or nothing. There should be common ground. I always wondered what would happen if a Trans man who didn’t say anything would up with a Trans woman who didn’t say anything: there’s no one to force to accept you in that situation, so would they lose interest? It really feels that way a little. I’ve even heard Gay men say to me, “How do you know you don’t like men if you don’t try?” Umm, because I’m not sexually attracted to men. I’m not anti-Gay, I just don’t think I need to let a guy have sex with me to prove that. I don’t prove I’m not anti-hammer by hitting my finger with a hammer: I know it’s not what I want. And I’ve even had Gay men say to me, “I could have you if I wanted”. Umm, no you couldn’t. As hot as you think you are: not gonna happen. Now, can I tell you if a man is attractive in general? Sure, I can do that. I don’t have to be attracted to them, personally to say something like, and my wife will love this if she ever reads it, that Dr. Mike from YouTube is a good-looking guy. I’d have to be blind to not recognize things like that. But my penis isn’t interested. And then some people will say stupid shit like, “What if a man offered you a million dollars to have sex with them”. Umm, probably take the money and go to my happy place, and do what I needed to for the million dollars. But that’s not being Gay, that’s being open to being rich. Well, not even rich nowadays, but with enough money to buy a house, start a business, and have a bunch left over invested. But it’s just a silly “what if”. 
 
So, to sum up: no, I am not against any community. Yes, I do think we need to have discussions on what’s fair and what isn’t. No, I don’t think asking or having opinions makes people bigots, or sexist, or racist, or whatever label you want to use. It’s not Transphobic to ask questions. Transphobic would be saying things like they shouldn’t be allowed to get married, or get jobs, or apartments, or whatever. It’s not asking why it’s okay for someone with a penis to be in the woman’s locker room, or how is it fair for someone biologically male, not on HRT to compete against biological females. And when people ask questions, you can give answers, and explain your position. That’s how people learn. 

Do you think all interracial porn is inherently racist?

I read a couple article where White female porn stars are told if they won’t shoot with a Black guy they’ll be seen as racist. And then some of them have agents that say if they do they’ll get paid less afterwards. Do you think all interracial porn is inherently racist? That seems racist from both directions, like people aren’t allowed to have preferences, and also who cares what people think if they do it?
 
The other side of it is the fact that when’s the last time you saw a Black guy in porn that wasn’t hung? I’ve been with more than a few Black girls in my life who have said it is a myth, that the ones out there with huge cocks are the unicorns, just like with every race. So the industry creates a distorted image of what all Black guys are like, the same way they screw over all the Asian men with the ones they pick for those movies. They almost always pick Asian men with smaller penises, which again, on average is a myth. Like how they seem to show all Black women have huge asses: they don’t, that all Latinas are curvy: they’re not, and all White women are automatically part-time Lesbians, apparently. And, again, I know plenty of girls who will tell you their motto is “strictly dickly”.
 
I feel like aside from the obvious ways porn distorts sexuality, it’s also a little insidious how racist it is whether it’s trying to be or not.
 
And for  those of you who think I must be jealous or something, I’m not. I do fine with what I have. I have never had any complaints from women, except that it’s too big. So, I really wouldn’t want to go bigger, I just think it’s a distorted view of sexuality, and women, who claim it’s men that are obsessed with size, seem to be obsessed with thing like size, hence driving part of this. 
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